I'm Not Getting Paid For This...

Have any of you seen the info-mercials for this? Strap Perfect....

Well I was watching the info-mercial late one night and decided that I did want more lift, support, and cleavage without buying new bras! So I went down to walgreens (where they are only $10, not $20!) and bought a box. I don't normally rep things, but I have to. I LOVE these stupid little plastic clips! They really do work quite well! I don't know if I'd agree that they add an entire cup size, but at least half a cup size! It's really amazing how the position of your bra straps completely transforms how your chest is "supported."

So, if you're like me and feel that your chest is not looking as youthful as it should (or would like it to even though you know that they're past their prime), then pick up a box :) You get 6 plus some "perfect tape" for those of us who like to wear clothes so low cut there is an actual chance of your chest falling out ;)

Surgery Update:

Well I just called my insurance company and I'VE BEEN APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!

I seriously cannot tell you how great it feels to finally get a bit of good news. I've been so down lately, and hearing this just made my day!

I do not know anything other than the fact that my surgery has been approved by my insurance company. I have not yet spoken w/the surgeon's office to confirm dates or anything like that. But you can be sure I'll keep you posted :) I am SO beyond excited! Thank you SO much to everyone who has listened to me complain about how long this is taking. It seems that there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

Today's Session...Warning

Well I had my 4th (I think?) therapy session today. It was good, we discussed how I am passive aggressive and have an obsessive need to please people. Society makes this normal (especially for women), but it's really very un-healthy. By putting my feelings and happiness aside, I am deceiving the people I am trying to please. I cannot give anyone else 100% if I'm not 110% happy first. Oh boy, this is going to be hard for me. I think this part of my behavior modification will be much harder than any eating/nutritional changes.

First of all, by allowing myself to put ME first and my happiness first, I feel selfish. My therapist told me that's wrong. That's only creating a double negative. When I'm too busy putting on a happy face and making sure everyone else is happy when I'm really not, my body goes into self-injury mode. Some people self-injure in ways like cutting themselves or starving themselves or drinking alcohol. I self-injure by eating. So in order to help save myself from self-injuring, I have to learn to stand up for myself and not be afraid of confrontation. *I type this as I'm almost in tears because I'm so scared of this.*

So my warning is this:

To all my wonderful and amazing family and friends who I love so much, please stick with me while I try to learn to stand up for my feelings and my own happiness. If I confront you on something, please don't take offense, I'm doing it out love, not anger or fear (that's what my therapist is trying to teach me the difference of). Most of you are not used to me being honest about my feelings, and for that I apologize. I have deceived you all into thinking I'm happy when I'm not, that I'm ok with things you say when I'm not, or that I'm comfortable with a situation when I am absolutely not. I sincerely apologize for giving everyone a false impression of who I am. But I vow that from this day forward, I will be honest with you, as you deserve me to be. If you say or do something that makes me un-happy, please allow me to say so without becoming defensive or insulted. If I say or do something that makes YOU un-happy, please tell me so, and I will welcome it. I cannot keep holding back feelings to make people happy because then I explode.

As my therapist said, this is the time in my life where it's make or break. I have to do what's best for me and be completely honest and open about it. All my friends and family can either keep up, or fall behind. And I can either keep up with you, or fall behind. But neither of us should be forced into staying back or being pulled ahead against our wills. I know this doesn't exactly make sense, but I completely understand it and I need to say it. If one of us decides to be left behind, then it is a good thing for both people involved. That way one person isn't pulling and one person isn't being dragged behind. No one can be happy in that kind of situation.

I'm making a lot of changes inside myself and as selfish as I feel saying it, I am not going to try so hard to please people anymore. I'm not saying I'm going to be a jerk, but if something is making me un-happy and I don't fix the situation immediately, then I am going to start self-destructing and that is not good. I have never considered the possibility that I am passive aggressive, but having read up on it, I completely am! This is WHY I'm un-happy so much of the time, and it's all because I'm not being honest in an effort to make everyone else happy.

If you love me, you wouldn't want me to self-destruct, so you will be understanding and supportive when I stand up for myself. If you put me down and make me feel bad about myself for trying to stand up for my happiness, then you don't have my best interests in mind.

Please be on the look-out for the new and happier Stephanie...coming soon!

Still Waiting...

My goodness, this time that it's taking to find out of my insurance is going to approve my surgery or not is killing me! The scheduler at Scottsdale Bariatric is obviously very busy right now, because she hasn't been returning my emails or phone calls. So I decided to call the insurance company myself!
Basically what they told me was that my claim is pending. This is how the conversation went(Me is of course myself and BCBS is Blue Cross Blue Shield, my insurance):

Me: Hi, I'm trying to check the status of a pre-authorization claim for my surgery.

BCBS: Is this Stephanie?

Me: Yes ma'am it is.

BCBS: Ok. We show that your request has been received from your surgeon's office and is currently pending. Because you have a 12 month pre-existing condition on your plan, we need to verify that you have not been treated for this prior to November 11th, 2008, which is when your policy with us started.

Me: Oh, ok...what pre-existing condition is that?

BCBS: Any illness or symptoms that you have requiring the surgery.

Me: Well, I don't completely understand. I've been overweight MUCH longer than November 11th of 2008. That is why I'm having the surgery.

BCBS: Have you been treated for it?

Me: Treated for what? Being fat? My doctors have given me diet plans, but obviously they were ineffective. I'm not sure what it is you are looking for that was done or not done before November. I did not start the surgery process until after November 11th, 2008, if that's what you mean.

BCBS: Ok, well our doctor on staff is going to review your information that was faxed over to see if he finds a pre-existing condition or not. If not, then he will approve your claim and you will be mailed an authorization number.

Me: Alright, do you know how long that may be? Just a ballpark idea?

BCBS: Probably within a couple days, the paperwork is probably sitting on his desk right now (laughs). But feel free to call back and check the status if you don't hear anything within a couple days, ok dear?

Me: Great, thank you so much

We said our good-byes and that was that. So...I'm a little concerned about this "pre-existing condition" thing...not entirely sure what they're looking for or what they'll find!

I'm not calm enough to wait for things like this! I just want to know NOW! *sigh*

WAITING!!!

Surgery Update:

My behavior modification therapy is going VERY well. I'm learning a lot of new things about our bodies and the way we eat. If I start to try to educate you, sorry...it's a habit and by teaching, I am learning :)

Anyway, because I am doing so well, my therapist, Dr. Garcia, decided to fax over my letter of completion to the surgeon's office even though I still have 4 more sessions with her!

So Heather at Scottsdale Bariatric got my letter and faxed over my insurance approval request on Friday! Now I just have to wait as little as 2 business days (which would be tomorrow!) or as much as 2 weeks to see if Blue Cross Blue Shield of AZ will approve or deny my request for them to pay for the surgery! FINGERS CROSSED!

I'm pretty confident that they will approve me since I'm doing the behavior mod. therapy. That's pretty much a golden ticket because they see how serious you are. I will of course be posting when I find out!